Obama's 50

Barack Obama is 50 – yay! And what better birthday present than 50 reasons for him to be cheerful in an otherwise trying week? Double yay!

1 It's his birthday! There, a nice easy one to get the ball rolling.

2 He has 9,433,000 Twitter followers and that's loads!

3 And that means lots of happy-birthday Tweets, which is nice.

4 Sarah Palin has only 620,000! Pathetic!

5 If anyone picks on him because of his ears, he can have that person killed.

6 Likewise, if they beat him at Pass the Parcel.

7 It is the only day of the year he can plausibly enjoy a tea party.

8 His poor fundraising quarter means he can ask party guests to bring a bottle.

9 He can reasonably assume that the next year can't possibly be as financially disastrous as the one just gone.

10 They are never going to make him pay back the whole $14 trillion.

11 And if they do, he can just call one of those debt consolidation firms they advertise during Deal or No Deal.

12 Or just move and not leave a forwarding address.

13 He shares his birthday with Ian Broudie and Lee Mack.

14 He is not that man in New Zealand who just decapitated himself demonstrating a home-made hovercraft to his family.

15 Nor is he a British magician who may or may not have been hospitalised by a pizza.

16 Prezzies!

17 50 is the new 40.

18 The Smurfs movie is out next week!

19 David Cameron can phone him any time he likes.

20 Nick Clegg probably can too.

21 Whereas Tony Blair can't.

22 He can create a "birthday buddies" group on Google+.

23 He can reasonably assume, with all that's going on, that News Corp is not hacking his phone.

24 He can get drunk today and not think about that really nasty Tropical Storm Emily that is about to trash Florida.

25 He gets to watch Piers Morgan every night.

26 "Barack Obama is a horrible 50-year-old twat" gets no Google hits.

27 And brilliantly, remove the quote marks and the first thing you get is Russell Brand's Wikipedia page.

28 The US constitution states that, on his birthday, the president gets dominion of all the beasts of the land and the sea.

29 That last one might not actually be true.

30 He gets to impress people by telling them that he is "a quintagenarian".

31 Although being president of the United States should really be enough.

32 I mean, he can basically have any sandwich he wants, all the time! Awesome!

33 And presumably that extends to birthday cakes too.

34 The Premier League season is about to start.

35 And if soccer isn't his bag, the US has just started its first "lingerie basketball" league. Seriously.

36 He has a very attractive wife. What? We're just saying!

37 He's on Vanity Fair's Most Stylish Men 2011 list, released yesterday.

38 It's really nice out.

39 Apart from in a few of those southern states that are flooded.

40 But they didn't vote for him anyway.

41 A toilet built to celebrate his inauguration just got nominated for the 2011 Best Restroom award.

42 That house he lives in in America is so nice.

43 And that bullet-proof limousine is bare safe.

44 He looks, like, 44 at the oldest.

45 The White House's nearest branch of Papa John's has an offer of two double-topping pizzas for $22.

46 And all things considered, a little thrift wouldn't go amiss.

47 Oh. It's collection only. Wait! He can send an aide, it's what they're there for!

48 If his age were a cricket score, at this point he could remove his helmet and acknowledge the crowd's applause for the first time.

49 That new Jay-Z and Kanye album is sick.

50 G2 has done this birthday tribute to him.